My 4 Year Story Starts With You.

Liz was 20. She was the light of the room, the life of the party. Hearing her laugh in my dreams still gives me the chills. I met Liz in the 7th grade, and as time went by Liz became one of my best friends. I was lucky to have a big group of girlfriends, all of which I called my best friends. But Liz was my closest friend sophomore and junior year of high school. I became close with her family, especially her mom. Her mom would yell at me about boys and alcohol as if I was her own daughter, too. It was a given – every weekend for those 2 years, Liz and I were either going out, sneaking around with boys or just hanging out with her pet hamster. There’s not a day that goes by where Liz doesn’t cross my mind. After 4 years I wanted to finally reflect on October 2014 and how that time has made me who I am.

I was a junior at Ithaca College, studying sport media. I was busy that semester..I had an internship with IMG marketing for Syracuse University football, another internship at a high school in Ithaca, a job on campus, preparing my spring semester abroad and enjoying life as a college student. I was constantly focused on my next step. I was always doing something to fill my resume and gain experience so one day I could get a job in the NBA or a big name company.

Thursday night was the last time I talked to Liz. She had texted me wishing me luck because the next 2 days I was participating in a Ragnar race in the Adirondacks. I ended up running the majority of the miles for my team that weekend and even with barely any sleep I insisted on making it back to Ithaca that Saturday night so I could go out. I’m a firm believer in balance…work hard, play hard mentality.

The weekend past and it was Monday night. It was my first semester living off campus and I had just gotten back from my night class. I was hanging out in my room with my best friend at college, Sherm. We were both single at the time and we were just shooting the shit, complaining about boys and the daily struggles. It’s funny, looking back, it was the last time I had let myself mindlessly complain. Really, my life is divided into 2 different lifetimes – before Liz passed away, and after. Sherm had left my room and I received a call from one of my best high school friends, Korey. She was frantic on the phone asking if I had heard and seen the news. I was so confused, but she told me she was going to send me an article and to call her back right after. I started reading what she had sent and realized I knew the names in the article. Liz, and her mom, Vicky, had gotten into a car accident. A FedEx truck had crossed into oncoming traffic..and hit their car so hard both vehicles ended up in a pond. Both Vicky and the FedEx driver died at the scene. Liz, however, was flown to a hospital in Syracuse in critical condition with severe head trauma.

That night Sherm got me back to Syracuse quicker than any other time I had drove from Ithaca to Syracuse before. She dropped me off at the hospital and I met with all of my best friends from high school. It was rare we were all together at the same time, and I don’t think any of us could believe the reason why we were all together during the late hours of that night.

No words can express how grateful I am to have such good friends on both ends of the spectrum. I will never be able to thank Sherm enough for driving me that night to the hospital to hold Liz’s little hand one last time and to tell her I loved her.

Days went by. Time went by. And I guess that’s how life is. It doesn’t stop for anything. Assignments are still due, expectations are held..and at the same time one of your best friends is unconscious in the hospital fighting for her life.

13 days went by to be exact. I was in Ithaca that weekend..after going back and forth from Ithaca to Syracuse for Vicky’s wake and a vigil for Liz, when I received the call. Liz was no longer with us and I could barely breathe. I was going for a run in the trails behind my house when I got the call and my little sister found me and she hugged me harder than she ever has before.

Olivia, another one of my best friends from high school, picked me up for Liz’s wake. I remember where we parked, I remember how crowded it was. I remember who we saw. I remember specific songs playing in the background. I remember getting in line and seeing pictures of myself and Liz. I remember it was my turn to kneel in front of the open casket..and I remember looking back at Olivia feeling sick to my stomach with tears rolling down my face. Hugging Liz’s dad and the rest of her immediate family. And a day later, I remember the funeral.

Life is short. Life is fragile. Life is unfair.

There was an emptiness in the months that followed that you can’t really explain unless you go through something like that. Most days I felt like I was out of my body. Or like a rain cloud was hanging over my head and it wouldn’t go away. How do you just pick up life where you left off after that? You don’t. After Liz passed away everything changed. Most days I didn’t get through without unexpectedly bursting out crying. I could literally feel my heart hurt for weeks. I found myself skipping class more often than usual, and on Mondays I craved to do something spontaneous. I remember one Monday I randomly skipped my night class to drive hours through the rain to visit one of my best friends, Beth, just for dinner. Another Monday late at night I convinced my friends to jump into Cayuga Lake even though the temperature was close to freezing. On the weekends all I wanted to do was get so drunk my mind wasn’t consumed with everything. Only you can heal yourself, but looking back, I’m pretty sure the only way I got through those months were through the help of my friends.

That January I took off for a semester in Australia. I decided to go alone, but met some really awesome people along the way. I went skydiving over the beaches of Australia’s east coast and went bungee jumping in Queenstown, New Zealand, adventure capital of the world. I experienced the culture in Indonesia and made it to the islands of Fiji.

The following fall I received an internship with the NBA team, the Charlotte Hornets. Instead of spending my last fall semester in Ithaca with my best friends, I lived in an extended stay Residence Inn in Charlotte, NC. That semester I gained a lot of experience in the industry. I met a lot of people, too, including Michael Jordan himself.

In May 2016 I graduated from Ithaca College and accepted a job at IMG Academy, in Southwest Florida. By now I was use to packing my bags.

There are moments in your life where you can even surprise yourself, and after about 8 months working at IMG Academy I had one of those moments. I received a call from the Charlotte Hornets with a job offer working in the department I had interned in. Honestly, I cried tears of happiness that day because I couldn’t believe the NBA wanted me back..and on payroll. It was my dream come true..working for the NBA. All of my hard work had finally paid off. It was a no brainer, right?

March 2017 I respectively declined the position with the Charlotte Hornets. During that decision making process I learned more about myself than I ever had before. I learned how much I value my quality of life. And for that, I thank Liz.

7 months later, I quit my desk job at IMG Academy with no job lined up, no plan for “what’s next”. I couldn’t take the routine of sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day 5 days a week, with no flexibility and virtually no say in how I felt. After turning down a dream job a few months back, I wasn’t really sure what I was working for anymore if that makes sense. I contemplated going back to Australia, but I knew a destination could only keep me happy for so long.

Fast forward exactly one year later since I quit my job at IMG. Yes, I put my 2 weeks notice in on October 12, 2017. And now I’m working remotely..mainly out of Panera Breads in Sarasota, Florida. I’m able to travel for work and pleasure. I’m able to go for a sunset run on the beach Monday’s after work. I have cut ties with people that do not support me, and surround myself with those who fan my flames.

I am no longer chasing a job title, a person’s attention or my next destination. Each and every day I wake up excited for the simple fact that I am able to live.

During this time every year Liz subconsciously floods my mind. I feel more spontaneous than usual.. less thinking, more doing. I have very vivid dreams of her, and in almost all of them I am aware of the accident and I try to explain it to her.

Simply put, life is weird. But 4 years ago my brain was rewired to look at it differently than I did previously. I was forced to look at life with a different perspective. I guess it gave me the outlook of seeing the “bigger picture.” Who actually cares about your job title? Are you happy at this very moment? Are you living the life you want? Are you proud of the person you are and values you uphold? I don’t get stressed out much. I honestly can’t tell you the last time I felt stressed. I don’t dread Mondays. What do I care about most? My relationships with other people. My siblings, my parents, my best friends, my boss. Very rarely am I upset and angry with someone. Life is too short to hold grudges and be mad. I am 100% committed and invested in myself. As I get older and become more independent, I realize that I am the only one that can make sure I’m happy.

You are in control of your own destiny. Your happiness lies in your own hands. Never settle. Not for a job, a relationship or a destination. If your life was to end tomorrow, how much of your life could you say you had lived?

Everyone has their own story, but mine starts with you, Liz.